“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25
“… bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians 3:13
Wow! Those are hard words, aren’t they?
Whether in business, in church or in family—relationships can cause pain and separation.
It’s tempting to get even. Holding a grudge is easier. Our first reaction is not always to forgive.
But forgiveness is not an option for the believer—even for the person who has hurt us the most.
And there is another wow moment—especially if you know it applies to you.
Even with the importance the Bible places on forgiveness, I frequently hear people give excuses for not forgiving someone. Things such as:
“You can forgive but you can’t forget.” And that’s most often true. Only God (and sometimes time and old age) can erase a memory.
“I’ve tried to forgive them, but they haven’t changed.” This may be true also. Forgiveness can be a catalyst for change, but it doesn’t guarantee change. And, I don’t seem to read those qualifiers in the commands to forgive.
“I may have forgiven them, but I’ll always hold it against them.” OK, while it may sound logical, it’s not really forgiveness. Sorry, to be so blunt.
Forgiveness is a releasing of emotional guilt you place upon the other person. It’s a choice. It happens in the heart. It’s not a release of responsibility or an absence of healthy boundaries. It doesn’t even mean justice—legal or eventual—is removed from the situation. It is, however, a conscious choice to remove the right to get even from the person who injured you. It’s a release of anger and any bitterness or grudge.
Plain and simple, forgiveness is hard.
I was talking with someone who wants to forgive the person who has hurt her the most. She wants to be free from the guilt of holding a grudge. She wants to follow the example of Christ in biblical obedience. The problem? She’s not sure she has truly forgiven, because she still hurts from the injury.
I shared with her that while forgiveness is a decision—a choice—it is not an automatic healer of emotions. It helps, but emotions heal over time. Then I shared some ways she could determine if she’s truly forgiven the other person.
