I have known a lot of single folks in my days. Heck, I was single myself for 2/3 of my life before I married a million miles over my head. I know both the freedoms and the challenges that come with being single, especially for those who are looking for a spouse and a Biblical marriage. I’ve seen single people make all kinds of serious mistakes that are difficult to overcome later in life. Of all the different types of bad decisions and mindsets that I have both seen and held in the past, the single greatest mistake a single person can make is this:
Discontentment.
By that I mean not being content or satisfied with where you are in life. I’m not saying that we should not aspire to be married someday or should not desire to have a family. All that is good and the Bible even says that it is good for us to be married. I’m also not saying we should not aspire for more or be ambitious. Those are good things too, as long as we have proper perspective.
What I am saying is that we should try to learn to be content or good with what we have be given at the moment. The discontentment I am speaking of is demonstrated this type of statement: I will only be happy if _______. Fill in the blank. I will only be content if…I have a significant other. I will only be happy if…I get that job. I will only be fulfilled if…I can get the bigger house in the nicer neighborhood.
Discontentment places conditions on God and what he has given us. It basically says, “God I don’t care about submitting to your timing, I want it now and I will not take “no” for an answer.” This is a dangerous attitude that can lead to disappointment, bitterness and eventually a very shallow faith. This type of faith sets oneself up as the authority, not God.
Some say the first sin in the Bible is discontentment. When Adam and Eve have an amazing paradise, it is simply not enough. They were not content. They wanted more and were led to jump into the only place they’d been asked not to go. The result can be seen today as man is often following suit.
Look around it does not take long to find examples of radical discontentment. Church leaders are not content unless their church looks a certain way or reaches a certain level of influence. Husbands and wives are not content unless their spouse meets a certain level of performance that no normal person could ever live up to. Employees are not content unless they make this certain level of pay or reach this particular promotion.
The reason that discontentment is the biggest mistake single people make is this: when we say that we won’t be happy or content until we find a spouse or until we get married, we are setting ourselves up for major disappointment. We place the state of our well-being in the hands of another person, who is feeble and imperfect, just as we are. This leads to a multitude of issues including unrealistic expectations that a future spouse could never, ever live up to. Think about it. If your happiness depends on whether or not you are married to an amazing husband or wife, that places a heck of a lot of pressure on that future husband or wife. With this mindset, you are basically asking them to fulfill your life. When they are there, then you will be content.
This is so unfair to them on so many levels, and this is the reason a lot of marriages don’t make it. One or both spouses were looking for the other to fill a void in their lives that they could never realistically fill. It is impossible (Here is why)! No person can fill that void. Not only is this mindset unfair to that future spouse, it places conditions on God. In a way it says, “God, I know you are all-knowing and know what is best for me, but let me fill you in anyway. I need this, and if I don’t get this right now, things aren’t going to work out so well for us.” It is absolute insanity.
So do yourself a favor and learn to be content, wherever you are in life. Keep praying for God to help you take the next step and keep believing that he has BIG things in store for your life. Be content. Do what you can to change things. Don’t worry about what you cannot change. Contentment: It is something none of us are good at and all of us can learn.
Several ideas from this post were from a message titled “Learning Contentment” from Village Church. Check it out on ITunes to dig in deeper!
Why is this so difficult as a single person? Why is contentment so difficult for all of us? Love to hear your thoughts! If you enjoyed this post, I’d also love for you to share it with any single people you know, you never know who you may impact!
