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Why I Stopped Praying

Ever prayed for something over and over and over again with no results?  No change.  No divine intervention.

Nothing.

It hurts.  I’ve done that, but I stopped praying about it a long time ago.

As you may know, I have had many spinal surgeries.  I was assaulted as a teenager and had 3 spinal surgeries in high school.  The pain never went away.  Everywhere I went, people prayed for me.

  • Pentecostals anointed me with oil and spoke in tongues over me.
  • Baptists and Methodists started prayer chains for me.
  • Several “prophets” declared that I was healed in the name of Jesus.
  • My mother prayed for me, and of course, God would answer her prayers.

I believed that God would answer their prayers and that He would answer mine…by healing me.  It never happened, and it may never happen.  On the inside, I never lost faith in the power of God, but I was a bit stumped as to why He never answered those prayers.  Sixteen years later, I am still in a great deal of physical pain.

It wasn’t until I read 2 Cor. 12:7-10 that I realized that it wasn’t that God didn’t answer me, God just didn’t answer the way I had hoped.  In that passage, Paul begs God to take some pain away from his life.  In fact, the scripture says that Paul begged on three different occasions and that the pain tormented him.

Finally, God informed Paul that He was not going to be taking the pain away and that He was going to be using the pain to humble him and cause him to experience the grace of God in a brand new way.

About 10 years ago, I got the same answer from God and have learned to embrace my pain as being a part of God’s plan for my life.  It keeps me humble.  It keeps me reliant on Him.  It has caused me to have a real heart for hurting, broken people.

As a person prone to being a lone ranger, my pain forces me to call on and rely on others.  Most of all, because I am in pain daily…hourly even, I am aware of His grace in ways that I can imagine a much healthier version of me would have ignored.

I still pray.  My faith is stronger ever.  However, I have stopped praying for healing of much of the pain in my body because I have learned to see it as a blessing that was meant to be a curse.