Warren to Release New Diet Book, “The Purpose Driven Knife”
It’s a diet of biblical proportions!
“The idea for the book came to me during one of our family meal times,” says Rick Warren, referring to the title of his new diet book, The Purpose Driven Knife.
Warren, bestselling author and pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, is set to release his new diet book based on the premise of his bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life, later this April. The new diet book comes on the heels of the recent news that Warren lost over 192 pounds on a secret diet.
“It’s a diet of biblical proportions,” says Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring Church in Anderson, South Carolina, referring to Warren’s book. Noble took a select group of members from his own church through the diet during the winter and the results were undeniable—“Our church is definitely skinnier,” Noble says.
“I’ve never read anything like it,” says Ed Young, Pastor of Fellowship Church in Dallas, Texas. “If I was overweight, this book would be a God-send.”
The new book unpacks the diets of the Old Testament prophets, the New Testament disciples, and Jesus with practical, modern day application. The book guarantees to help change the way the reader eats and feels in just forty days.
However, not everything is peaceful at the table, and Warren’s book launches with some controversy. On the announcement of the book’s release two days ago, Jenny Craig stock experienced a substantial 11 percent drop. A representative for Jenny Craig said, “It’s unfair,” referring to the catchy title of Warren’s book. “We can’t compete with the massive appeal that Warren has in the religious market.”
When asked, Warren had no comment on the Jenny Craig drop in stock. Warren also emphatically denies any talks with Oprah about hosting a special cooking show titled, “The Bible Chef,” even though several bloggers within Oprah’s network have left hints about the possibility.
Warren’s new book is already booming with pre-orders, and many experts believe it will eclipse the record-breaking sales of The Purpose Driven Life. “The book came to me like manna from heaven,” Warren says. “I believe the Knife will revolutionize the American mealtime—no matter how you cut it.”
(All proceeds from Warren’s book will go to “Guns for Knives,” Warren’s newest nonprofit in war-torn Sudan. The program allows rebels to turn in their guns and receive three sets of stainless steel eating utensils in exchange.)
This April Fool’s Day post is completely fictitious. We invite you to share your fictitious reactions in the comment section below.