Middle school and high school were miserable for me.
I desperately wanted to fit in and be liked by the popular kids. But I was awkward, quiet, shy, and a little A LOT insecure. I wanted so much to fit in that I stifled so much of who I was.
As a result, I never really made a mark with that season of my life.
My fear of not being popular kept me from being who I was. In looking back, I think if I had asserted myself and my natural leadership instincts, I might not only have been a good leader to my peers, I may have also gained some popularity along the way.
Because I stifled my uniqueness, I neutered myself from having any influence whatsoever. I was neither popular nor a leader.
Fast forward 20 years, and I still see the same tendencies in myself. While I’m much more comfortable with the fact that being a leader is part of who God has created me to be, I still shrink back some days. I still long to just fit in and be accepted. I don’t want to be the one making all the difficult decisions all the time. I want to blend into the crowd – the popular crowd, that is.
I want to be loved and accepted for who I am without actually being who I am.
It doesn’t work.
I can’t want to be liked more than I want to be who God has called me to be.
I can’t want to be known more than I want to do what’s right.
I can’t want to be popular more than I want to be a Godly leader.
So anytime I don’t feel like being the leader I need to be, all it takes is a flashback to my awkward 14-year-old self to remember that while I won’t always be popular, I’ll always be more comfortable being the leader God has called me to be.
