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Why I Sometimes Lie About My Profession

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes, I lie when people ask me what I do for a living.

Okay, that’s a touch dramatic. It’s not as if I tell people that I’m an astronaut or the guy who invented salad-in-a-bag. I’m just not always forthcoming with words like “pastor” or “chaplain,” and if I say “writer” and they ask me what I write, I cover it up a bit. I’ll say, “I write about the intersection of psychology and religious behavior.”

It’s not because I’m ashamed of what I do. It’s really not. I rarely volunteer that I’m a hospice chaplain because it’s the ultimate conversation killer.

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I’m the only person I know who has the ability to suck the life out of the most raucous party by merely saying what it is I do for a living. People look at me as though I just said, “I’m a professional sniper, and YOU are my next target.”

I witnessed this just the other week. I was sitting in an animated Irish bar after I visited Congress with some friends and a couple of my wife’s co-workers who didn’t know what I did. Everyone was laughing and having a good time…and then one of them asked what I did. “Um, I’m a hospice chaplain. I provide spiritual and emotional support for people who are dying and for their families who are watching them die.” The gas went out of that party like the Hindenburg.

And these were all Christians. 

I don’t always volunteer to strangers that I’m a pastor because it instantly changes the conversation.