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Why I Hate the Proverbs 31 Woman

by Aubry Smith

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Have we made the "Proverbs 31" woman into a trophy wife of impossible standards?

I feel like Proverbs 31 is tainted.

My high school mentor (a man) once challenged me to memorize Proverbs 31 over the summer.

I did, but to be honest, I was 15 and didn’t know what a distaff was or exactly what it meant to choose flax. I didn’t have a husband and, at that point in my life, didn’t care to ever have one. I thought it was a weird passage to memorize and that it didn’t really apply all that well to me.

Then, every time a teenage girl made a painfully insecure remark on how fat or ugly she felt, a group of Christian girls would chant, “PROVERBS 31:30!! PROVERBS 31:30!!” in her face. (“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”)

It was less of an encouragement to fear to Lord, and more of a social chastisement for seeking compliments. It was thrown at me a few times when I had voiced genuine fears or concerns, in the place of sympathy or love.

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And now, as a wife and mother, I feel that Proverbs 31 is wielded as a weapon against me more than ever.

A Proverbs 31 woman forgoes her career and life’s aspirations for childbearing and child rearing.

A Proverbs 31 woman uses weird words like “helpmeet” and uses “purpose” as a verb (“I purpose to get the dishes washed today”).

A Proverbs 31 woman keeps a perfectly pristine house – in high heels and pearls.

A Proverbs 31 woman stitches her children’s clothing by hand, hangs the laundry on the line, uses cloth diapers, and bakes phenomenal pies. Her sink? Empty.

A Proverbs 31 woman acquiesces to her husband’s every wish. She is quiet and meek, never opinionated, and yet – a tigress in the bedroom.

A Proverbs 31 woman knits, crochets, and cross-stitches. She decorates like Martha Stewart and actually succeeds in her Pinterest crafts.

A Proverbs 31 woman weighs 110 pounds and has perfect country-singer hair. (That’s in verse 52.)

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Aubry Smith is a freelance writer and a stay-at-home mom to her two sons. She and her husband live in North Carolina, where they are training for international church planting.

More from Aubry Smith or visit Aubry at aubrysmith.com/