When Holly and I got married, we thought, “Our marriage is going to be different!” I had been listening to the wisdom, the warnings and the time-tested advice. “Marriage takes work,” they said. I was not afraid of a little work.
Besides, we were different. We loved each other—a lot. We were not going to struggle like other couples. We would not lose the spark, we would not develop unrealistic expectations, we would not say hurtful things and, if we did, we surely would not let the sun go down on our anger. Our marriage was going to be better than anyone else’s.
I was not so naïve to think the Beatles had nailed the truth with “all you need is love.” I was smarter than that. I knew the real truth: All you need is real love.
So while the kind-hearted and broken-hearted offered their wisdom, warnings and time-tested advice, we stood tall before God and man, certain we had more than enough love. Ours would be the marriage against which to judge all other marriages.
Turns out we were exactly like everyone else.
We had unrealistic expectations.
We underestimated the amount of work a marriage takes.
We discovered even a loving, generous, kind-hearted person could be a real jerk somestimes.
We realized in order to have a great marriage, we would need to do what every other successful couple did …
Work at it.
Embrace change.
Grow up.
Realization was just the first step. The second—and this is most important step—was doing something about it.
The single most important relationship anyone will have in this life is marriage. Yet so many people never read a single thing about how to do it right. We think our love will be enough. We think we will just figure it out or that problems will solve themselves.
People who make the effort to understand what is not working in their marriage are a rare breed. People who make genuine changes in their attitudes and actions are rarer still.
If you are one of those who is willing to read about marriage, grow, change, humble yourself—work for a great marriage …
Welcome to rarified air.
On October 28th my new book, How to Turn Your Marriage Around in 10 Days, will be available. I invite you to read it—and find out the best things you can do to turn your marriage around.
What have you learned to do that turned your marriage around?
