When "Jesus" Called Me the N-Word
When God uses painful experience to reveal something profound.
WARNING: This post contains language that may be offense to some. If you are easily offended by language you may want to skip this article.
Five days before I preached a sermon on homosexuality, I got this comment on my blog:
“Keep your phony a** biggot bull**** and you pious sense of higher status to yourself you price of trash. You can try to stop me all you want but you are still a n***** and a cult leading f**. No wonder your father didn’t see you for 11 years. Who would be proud of their n***** son starting a cult.” -Jesus.
I tell you what, I’ve never felt so hated. I wish I could say his words bounced off me like bullets on Superman ’cause I was wearing my spiritual cape, but I can’t.
Nope. No super spiritual response here.
Just a discouraged pastor who wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out. I know I won’t get any “hall of faith” votes for saying this, but I honestly wanted to quit ministry, life, Jesus and everything.
All because some Internet troll blasted me on my blog. And on Twitter. Then on my blog again after bypassing my filter. Then on a new Twitter account after I blocked the first one. Then back to my blog on a new IP address. One last Twitter account. How about more blog comments?
Over and over again Jesus (as he called himself) berated me and called me the “n word” more times than I care to remember. Over 50 comments later, I was sitting in a corner bawling my eyes out because I felt so hated by “Jesus.”
In desperation, I prayed for Jesus to make “Jesus” go away.
I asked for Him to make me feel better, but He didn’t. Jesus didn’t make me feel better, no. He did something better. He said…
“Now you know what it sometimes ‘feels’ like to be gay. Now you know what the gay community has to face from family/neighbors/the church.”
And BOOM, just like that, God blind-sided me with a 100 mile per hour curve ball that literally left me breathless and in tears.
It’s like God used the words of an ignorant troll to cut open my heart open, then He filled it with love for the gay community.
I literally didn’t know what to do but cry and say sorry.
That’s how I started my sermon on homosexuality five days after “Jesus” trolled me online.