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Is Ministry Ruining Your Marriage?

Blessed Be the Tie.

An essential resource ministers and ministerial families need is the fellowship of other ministerial families who are not a part of your current church. Investing in long-distance and long-term friendships over the years is a price every ministry couple should pay to maintain that emotional safety net through which God can provide both counsel and healing.

In these kinds of issues, denominational lines and theological camps hardly matter. The Calvinist associate minister in that big Bible church and the Anglican priest in the downtown church face the same stress and handle the same kinds of conflicts that you handle. They bring an outside perspective that is still an inside perspective. Lean on them and, in time, you’ll find they will call you for someone to lean on.

The God of all Comfort.

More than half of the Psalms are, in fact, songs of lament. In many cases, the psalmist pours out his troubled heart because of interpersonal issues and conflicts. Jesus’ own inner circle was plagued with repeated squabbles and, ultimately, one of those closest to him turned against him. Moses felt that handling Pharaoh was a piece of cake compared with coping with the inconsistent, grumbling, rebellious people of God.

Conflict is the inevitable result of two elements: flawed people and close relationships. The higher the level of togetherness, the greater the severity and emotional intensity of the conflict. The grass is not greener on the other side. It’s just that the blades of the grass may not be as close together.

Veteran preacher Wayne B. Smith, one of the wisest men I’ve ever known, told me that a minister needs the heart of a dove and the skin of a rhinoceros. I’ve often found the image a valuable one. I would simply add — we need to hang up that thick skin by the front door when we come home every night.