NOTE: This article originally appeared here on the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog.
One problem that biblical counselors will surely face in their counseling and everyday conversations, regardless of gender, is the addiction and enslavement to pornography.
It is not uncommon to hear and meet counselees whose first introduction to pornography happened in their pre-adolescent years of 7-12.
With a problem so prevalent and pervasive in the church, numerous books and articles have been written on the topic. How can biblical counselors contribute to this conversation?
Biblical Counseling Coalition (BCC) member and Association of Certified Biblical Counselor’s Executive Director, Heath Lambert, recently authored a book titled Finally Free: Fighting for Purity With the Power of Grace ,which has ably defined and elucidated a gospel-centered approach to fighting the sin of pornography. Additionally, a helpful list of resources has been gathered on the BCC website to equip biblical counselors on this topic as well.
Something I have found personally helpful in counseling with both men and women through this issue is helping the counselee identify what motivates him or her to seek out pornography. In some ways, we might say the actual viewing of pornography is symptomatic of a deeper worship disorder that is happening in the heart.
What motivates and precedes the viewing of pornography? Once that can be identified, then more specific biblical counsel can often be offered.
Boredom.
In some ways, this might sound a bit benign, but many men I have met find themselves viewing pornography out of pure boredom. They have nothing to do on a given evening, they begin surfing the web, watching YouTube videos, and before they know it they are accessing pornography.
What started out as boredom and a lack of vigilance soon gives way to viewing pornography.
Entitlement.
One man I spoke with recently described his battle with pornography as a struggle of entitlement. After a long day of work, he felt this self-gratification was something he deserved. It was a reward for him, a way he could make himself feel better.
Pornography became a vehicle for him to feel good and experience pleasure. After closer examination of his life, we were able to discover that this sense of entitlement actually tainted many areas of his life.
Escapism and fantasy-ism.
Many men are very dissatisfied with their work life, home life, sex life, situational circumstances, spousal relationships, etc. This brooding dissatisfaction and discontentment soon gives way to seeking out satisfaction and contentment in a virtual world.
In this virtual, on-demand world, the counselee can escape and create their own reality. Pornography, in many ways, becomes a haven from the “real world” they inhabit.
