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Olive Tree Parenting—Growing Children of Character

Every time I write about parenting, people email me asking for more. I understand.

Parenting is hard work.

Most people who follow my ministry closely know this is one area of my life I have taken very seriously. One specific desire Cheryl and I had in raising our boys was encouraging them to love Christ and display His character. It’s great to teach our children how to play sports or to do well in school, and I think we should, but our greatest goal should be to help them be people who aspire to have good character—specifically the character of Christ.

Recognizing the Bible is a great guide to do this, I once developed a model for parenting called Olive Tree Parenting.

This model is based upon a couple of verses of Scripture.

Psalm 128:3 says, “Your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.”
Psalm 144:12 says, “Our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants.”

Here are a few facts I’ve read about olive trees:

• They were a symbol of peace and happiness to Hebrews.

• It takes some varieties eight to 10 years to even bear fruit.

• It takes 20-50 years for an olive tree to be mature and really productive.

• No one knows for sure how long they grow, but the estimate is at least 300-600 years, with some estimates up to 2,000 years.

• When the tree trunk of an olive tree dies, new sprouts come out keeping the tree alive.

• Olive trees are evergreens.

Do you see any parallels there in raising children—or your desires for them in life?

I firmly believe we are more likely to get out of life what we actually aim for, so our goal became to raise children to be adults that bear righteous fruit for generations. We began to think strategically about how to develop biblical characteristics of fruit in our two boys.

The Bible also gives us some clear indication of what righteous fruit looks like.

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

Here are some suggestions to encourage each of these fruits to grow:

LOVE
Love is the first fruit mentioned and perhaps the most important. Jesus said “love” was the greatest command for us all. I don’t believe we can teach our child to love. We must model it for them.

Here are some actions you can take, however, to instill this fruit in their heart.

• Ask your children questions about their life. Get to know your child and what they are thinking.

• Do everything in love—even discipline. (They will know when you are not acting in love. You will too.)

• Discipline. Don’t neglect discipline in “the name of love.” Discipline should actually be an indication you love them enough to train them to do the right thing.

• Watch how you treat other groups of people—including other races and ethnic groups.

• Watch your child’s attitude—always recognize attitudes over actions (1 Sam. 16:24) and respond accordingly.

• Love your children’s friends.

• Be kind to your neighbors, friends and family. They are watching.

• Get involved in church and community not out of compulsion, but because you love other people.