The Two Asks

Every time you make a “big ask” of someone, you are actually making one of two possible asks.

The first ask is directed toward the person who doesn’t know you and cares nothing about you. The word “no” is already on the tip of their tongue. They come with biases against you and have a natural disposition toward letting you down.

The second kind of ask is directed toward the person who knows you and cares about you. The word “yes” is already on the tip of their tongue. They come with biases for you and have a natural disposition toward helping you.

The goal is to make the second kind of ask.

When AOL CEO Tim Anderson was 22 years old, he tried to approach some of the most influential business leaders of his generation for mentoring. After scores of rejections, an assistant finally told him, “Look, the only way you’re going to get through is if you know them… or you’re from the media.”

So Tim started a newspaper.

Several weeks ago, I approached a church in the south about hosting a particular “thing.” Got no’s straight up and down. It was like running into a brick wall. “No possible way,” they said. “Not even close to available.”

So I contacted a friend who knew someone on staff. Completely different result. “Come on in,” they said. “Absolutely! Why didn’t you say so? We even have staff at your disposal.”