In the movie, The Incredibles, there is one funny scene where Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl are about to get married. The scene shows Elastigirl standing alone at the altar as time ticks on and the wedding crosses the line to “late start.” While she is waiting there in her wedding dress, her husband–to–be is finishing his daily business of saving the world. Just one more criminal to catch. Just one more person to rescue. As the guests are beginning to wonder if they are witnessing a case of a run-away groom, Mr. Incredible dashes in, dressed in a tux, ready to take his vows. The only problem is he is still wearing the mask from his Mr. Incredible costume. In his rush to the altar, he forgot to take it off. His bride looks up at him with a smile, gently removes the mask, and says, “You know, you’re going to have to be more than Mr. Incredible for this to work.”
Pastors, many times, we have the same mindset that Mr. Incredible had in this scene. We think if we can just solve one more problem or just help one more person then the work will be done, and we can finally give our attention to our wives and kids. Many days, we stay late at the office returning that last call or trying to knock out one more meeting in hopes that it will make tomorrow better. Meanwhile, we are leaving the most important things – our wives, our kids, even our health – waiting in the wings while we keep pursuing the elusive goal of being Mr. Incredible to our churches and staffs.
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In the words of Elastigirl (and probably your wife), “You’re going to have to be more than Mr. Incredible (or Mr. Super-Pastor) to make this work.” “This” is the rest of the picture, and the most important part, too. “This” is what makes your life significant and fulfilling in the end – your marriage, family, and your health. If there is one thing that is difficult about ministry, it’s the toll that it can take on your family. If we are not careful, we can end up being Mr. Super-Pastor to the people around us, while the most important people in our lives come to see us as Mr. Super POSER, not at all living up to the hype!
I had a major wake-up call about a year and a half ago when I got diagnosed with a congenital heart condition known as a bicuspid valve. In addition to the valve condition, the doctors also discovered that I had an aneurism in my aortic root, which was so large and had such a great risk of rupturing that it required immediate open-heart surgery. As I was preparing to go into surgery, wondering if it would all turn out all right, my mind really never turned to the church or ministry for very long. The one thing that occupied my heart and mind was Kerri and the kids. I wondered if they would be ok should anything happen. Did they know how much I loved them? Had I invested enough into them? What legacy would I leave them?
As often happens during times of trial, my true values became crystal clear. In my heart, when I measured the importance of my family next to that of ministry, it wasn’t even a contest. My family won, hands down! The problem was I had to take a hard look at some choices I was making and ask myself whether my lifestyle was in alignment with what I truly felt was important. If it wasn’t, I had to ask myself why not and be willing to make the necessary adjustments.
For about the first decade of Celebration Church’s existence, I kept the throttle down at all times. I never let up. I lived with the constant pressure of growing the church spiritually, structurally, financially, numerically, and strategically – you name it, I was driving it to the max! To tell the truth, even though it was a lot of pressure, I thrived in the pedal-to-the-metal ministry lifestyle – at first. I love what I do, and I love watching people and organizations grow. I love reaching the lost. I love ministry. But when all these things get the best of you all the time, your family has to get by with the worst of you: your leftovers. I knew I had to make some adjustments, but it was still hard to ease up on the throttle and trust God to do the driving – at His pace.
When I finally made the decision to make necessary changes to bring my lifestyle and ministry style into alignment with my values about my family and health, it was a little difficult at first. I had been going so hard for so long, it felt unnatural to give myself some margin in my schedule. It didn’t take me long to adjust, though, because the benefits to me personally and to my family were immediate and substantial.
Here are some simple changes I made that gave a lift to my health and family life:
