The only answer is to give Jesus your dreams of the pastorate, let Him kill the discontentment they cause, and replace them with supernatural, jaw dropping, otherworldly communion with the triune God.
He is using the despair to do something incredibly wondrous and gracious.
Through these providential tools, He is tenderly training and rebuilding your heart to find your contentment solely in His gracious love and affection for you, not some clownish fantasy that you have imagined will bring you contentment.
He is healing you of you.
Remember Pastor Scott? I shall hereafter refer to him as the Pastor.
My dad just died suddenly. The Pastor woke up at an ungodly hour and sat with my mother in the crucible of the waiting room while I drove in the wee hours of the morning to meet my mother. My mother wasn’t alone as her husband fought to live because the Pastor was with us.
The Pastor entered into our suffering as we received the bad news that death was imminent. As we struggled to maintain composure, the Pastor prayed a little prayer, but he wasn’t communing with the God who created quantum mechanics because it was a fun thing to do. He was calling out to our covenant Lord for His supply and affection in our moment of need.
The Pastor prayed for us.
When my dad died, he pointed us to the realties of the gospel. He didn’t have the power to raise my dad, but he had the words to point us to the One who could.
The Pastor spoke the gospel to us.
When my brother, who made a mad 5-hour dash to the hospital from N.H., walked into the room to see my father, the Pastor embraced him in his grief. He comforted the broken hearted.
In the sour days to come, the Pastor will continue to point us to the sweetness of Jesus as our only refuge and strength. He will provide leadership to the local church by pointing the way to best minister to our family with practical deeds of love. He preached at the funeral and pointed the way to the lost.
The Pastor will go through the fire with us.
The Lord is at work redeeming and sanctifying a people for Himself.