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The Sin That's Killing Small Groups

Every small group has its sins. Some disturb her heart more than others, and some can stop the heartbeat of the group. There is one sin of omission that has the power to flatline any small group: the sin of silence.
 
What I’m speaking of is the silence that all too often follows a conflictual situation between group members. In way too many instances, a group member does or says something that hurts someone’s feelings or destroys someone’s sense of self. The individual who accidentally or purposefully did the hurting made a horrific mistake and we pray that that individual will be sensitive and wise enough to quickly make amends. But sometimes, that person is too stubborn or too insensitive to even know that they have been hurtful toward someone else. I think this is one of the reasons that scripturally the hurt individual has as much of a responsibility as the hurter. You heard me right. The person who has been hurt has as much of a responsibility as the person who hurt them. Here’s what Scripture says…
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3b-4
 
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Matthew 18:15
 
Both of these verses place the responsibility for igniting reconciliation squarely on the shoulders of the person who was wronged. Too many people talk to other group members, demand the small group leader “do something about him/her,” bottle up the anger and act like nothing really happened (and then at some point explode), or leave the group.
 
A few things all of us need to keep in mind:

1.     The sin of silence is as much a sin as the sin of verbally attacking someone else.
2.     The sin of silence will keep a group from experiencing the unity that is necessary for a group to exhibit the character of Christ.
3.     The act of reconciliation is an act of obedience and is not optional for a biblically functioning follower of Christ.
4.     The person who exercises the sin of silence keeps a brother or sister from becoming aware of a weakness or attitude that Christ can and wants to transform.
5.     Every one of us has the capacity to hurt someone else, be hurt by someone else, go to the person we have hurt to initiate reconciliation, and go to the person who hurt us to initiate reconciliation.
6.     Every one of us will grow if we set aside the sin of silence and carry out Jesus’ expectation to “go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” And the outcome…“If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” 

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rhowerton@churchleaders.com'
Rick has one passion… To see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.” He is presently pursuing this passion as the Small Group and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Church Resources. Rick has authored or co-authored multiple books, studies, and leader training resources including A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic, Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual, The Gospel and the Truth: Living the Message of Jesus, Small Group Life Ministry Manual: A New Approach to Small Groups, Redeeming the Tears: a Journey Through Grief and Loss, Small Group Life: Kingdom, Small Group Kickoff Retreat: Experiential Training for Small Group Leaders, and Great Beginnings: Your First Small Group Study, Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making. Rick’s varied ministry experiences as an collegiate minister, small group pastor, teaching pastor, elder, full-time trainer and church consultant, as well as having been a successful church planter gives him a perspective of church life that is all-encompassing and multi-dimensional. Rick is a highly sought after communicator and trainer.