So what’s ahead? Let me share what has helped me along the way:
- Be honest with yourself about your experience. If you don’t allow yourself to come to an awareness of what’s inside of you, then the only option is to squelch it.
- Don’t get hung up on the negative. While I saw much that was missing in my church experience of my childhood and college, there is much for which I am thankful. I am thankful for the hundreds of sermons that I had heard, for all the hymns that I still know by heart, and for all of the memory verses that I had at my disposal because of the Vacation Bible School contests that I won. These were activated in a new way when the Spirit came to life within me.
- Find one or two friends who can help you process what you are learning. It’s best when you have friends who will challenge you to take ownership for your feelings and not blame the church. In other words, don’t get with a few others who live in the same emotions and enjoy staying in them.
- Forgive those who have hurt you. Identify the frustration. Talk about the disappointment. Recognize your anger. But ultimately, you cannot hold on to it. You have a choice to forgive.
- If you cannot get behind the vision, the values, and the strategy of your current church, ask the Lord to lead you to a church where you can do so.
- If the Lord is leading you to remain at your current church, share your experience with your pastor and see how you can contribute to what God is doing to shape the church for a new future.
- Learn to ask good questions about what God is doing today without being driven by anger. See this post for more on this.
