Home Youth Leaders Articles for Youth Leaders How Jazz-Parenting Saved This Ministry Family

How Jazz-Parenting Saved This Ministry Family

Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s In the Cradle” became a theme song for our boomer-generation. Post World War II dads loved their families by working hard. Our fathers built secure moral boundaries, but left us with an aching vacuum inside.

We wanted to write a new song with our sons, Jon and Tim. But like jazz, we made it up as we went along.

The first chord change came as an epiphany: Love is spelled T-I-M-E.

Our fathers spelled love: W-O-R-K. But how does my child translate my presence or absence?

One morning, as Mark was having his dutiful quiet time, working 80 hours a week, he heard these words: “How will you feel if you win 5,000 people to the Lord and lose your own son?”  

Our schedule betrayed what we loved most. So we made peace with our calendar, writing in The Non-negotiables. Mark cancelled his late meetings before dinner to wrestle with Jon and Tim. Wrestling became a tangible symbol of his heart: I’m here, on your level, hugging, able to be touched, ready to play.

We learned how to fill our son’s love tanks by reading great stories, especially the Narnia series, building tree forts or cheering on soccer sidelines, applauding at recitals. Later, we added surfing, and listening to U2 and Led Zeppelin. And now, we continue to surf, share inspiring books, laugh at ourselves and drink good coffee.

We’ve discovered that simply enjoying our children is perhaps the best gift we could give to not only our sons, but to the world. A child who feels loved is free to express that love to others.

A second realization followed: As we enjoy our kids, they will grasp God’s enjoyment of them.

When Jon was five, he misunderstood the phrase: “We have peace with God.” Turning to a young friend, he announced, “We have pizza with God!” 

I really like his interpretation better. 

Spirituality pursues truth in relationships; it’s not just a quest to be right. Truth allows everyone to come to the table. Simply memorizing right answers can lead to pride, or the fear of getting it wrong.