Matt Chandler on Christian Dating

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Have we gotten mixed up in our messages about dating? Should singlesĀ not want to get married?

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  • Read the Book

    Did Matt Chandler actually read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” or any other Joshua Harris books he referred to? I have no idea how one can even get close to the conclusions Matt came to after reading these books. The books are all about getting married and dating/courting in a healthy/Godly way. Matt makes it sound like the books say it is wrong to desire a relationship. That is far from the point of any of Joshua Harris’ books. The TITLE sounds like that. Maybe that is all he read. The title is misleading. The problem is most people desire a relationship (usually physical) more than (and often in place of) desiring a relationship with Jesus. What is sad is people will hear this segment and will take from it “Yes! God made me this way. It is good and Godly that I am focused on having a relationship with someone else….above all else.” And if you say, “that is not what Matt is saying”, then I would say. “exactly, how Matt portrayed Joshua Harris is really not what Joshua Harris is saying.” Often people (without having a true relationship with Jesus) want to jump into a relationship with someone else because, they say, “I am wired that way.” No, we are wired to glorify God. We can glorify God in our relationships, but only when we ourselves and that relationship actually glorify God. I do not know if Matt has any children. I wonder if he would be singing the same tune if he had a teenage daughter who dated a lot of guys because that is the way “we” are wired.

    • Tyler Mase

      Matt has kids and so do I. In fact mine are grown and married and I told them all to kiss courting goodbye. They have all married well. Huh…. who knew that would be possible by DATING!

  • Just a Thought

    I agree with what he is saying to a point, but to hear this in context will be great. So I think listening to the full sermon would be best.

  • Jonathan Bailey

    So, Matt really didn’t talk about “dating” there – he talked about marriage. Two TOTALLY different things. Dating, by way of current American culture, will do more to set you up for divorce than marriage. How? Dating has become “I like them, I want to be with them, I am not sure I like them, I don’t want to be with them any longer.” Over and over this scenario plays out, then one day you get married. Problem is – you’ve been practicing for divorce instead of lifelong marriage

    I attempt to teach students and parents to wait until you are actually seeking out Godly marriage before engaging in “dating.” And even then, it should look different than the rest of the world! Romans 12:1-2.

  • longk9

    I guess Paul was wrong in 1 Corinthians 7.

  • Winsome Loraine PETER

    Thank you, Matt Chandler! This is very refreshing.I am an older, single Christian female (48 years old)- never married with no kids. I have read very widely on the subject of Christian marriage and dating all through my life. Matt is right – Christian authors say different things and you end up not knowing what to believe. Yes, I would like to be married at this stage of my life but as Matt said, ‘you have to get out and get it’…the question where do get it and who do you get? Over the past 17 years I worked abroad in Singapore, Malaysia, China and Kazakhstan and last year spent 6 months in Paris, France studying. I attended church everywhere I worked or studied but did not meet anyone. Matt and other Christian ministers have no idea how tough it is to meet other Christian singles in other parts of the world. You end up meeting more non-Christian singles than Christian singles. With regards to dating, I don’t quite understand what it’s all about. I was raised in a non-dating culture, where people were introduced and if they liked each other, they got married.

  • Suzette Foster

    Here is what I think: God made men and women psychologically different. Men are supposed to pursue and woo a wife. “Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” The husband is supposed to be the leader of the family, so the man should take the lead and look for a godly woman.
    We women should be serving the Lord and trusting that He will makes us noticeable to the right men. (I still say that even though I have been waiting for a husband for 16 years.) Rachel was tending sheep when Jacob noticed her. Ruth was gleaning the fields to help feed herself and her mother-in-law when Boaz first noticed her. Rebekah was watering camels when she was found by the servant who was looking for a wife for Isaac.


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