Pastors: 7 Women You Should Watch Out For

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The day will come when a woman will sit in your office and proposition you … what you do next could change your life.

Editor’s Note: This article is intended to help pastors and leaders live and act wisely in their relationships with the opposite sex. We also know that this post only covers the male segment of ministry leaders. We hope to run an additional article in the future from a woman’s perspective. Also, to balance this article out, you might want to read 7 Sexual Lines No Pastor Should Cross.  

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“For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech” (Proverbs 4:3).

Before there was a folk singer by that name, James Taylor was a professor of preaching. This veteran teacher of preachers held forth in classrooms at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary for many years. One day, in a room filled with young preacher boys, Dr. Taylor cautioned us about the temptations we would be facing.

“The day will come when a woman will sit in your office and proposition you. She will make herself available to you sexually. If your marriage is in trouble or if you’re not up-to-date in your relationship with your Lord, you could get in big trouble fast.”

I raised my hand. “Dr. Taylor,” I said, “do you really believe that every one of us in this room will face this?” My mind was incapable of imagining a scenario in which a woman—any woman—would sit in a pastor’s office and try to seduce him.

“Yes, I do,” he said. “Even you, McKeever.”

That got a laugh.

I lived to see that day. (Fifteen years after she sat in my office making herself available to the young preacher, while preaching in another state, I spotted that woman and her husband—the same husband whose antics had given her cause to seek my counsel originally—in the congregation. I was thankful I had gotten this thing right in my office that day.)

The writer of Proverbs tried to do the same thing Dr. Taylor did for us in seminary that day: prepare the young lad for what he would be facing down the road.

“My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding;

That you may observe discretion, and your lips may reserve knowledge.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it” (Proverbs 4:1-6).

The remedy for this—in a sense, the armor which protects one from such a vamp—the writer goes on to say, is to “drink water from your own cistern” (4:15). He gets rather explicit in his counsel to a young husband to satisfy himself intimately with his wife and with no one else.

Many a man of God has sabotaged his own ministry by sexual sin.

They’re all through scripture. We think of the sons of Eli, the high priest. “The sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord” (I Samuel 2:12). “They lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting” (2:22). The Lord had no patience with such antics and put them out of business quickly (4:11).

Joe McKeever After five years as Director of Missions for the 100 Southern Baptist churches of metro New Orleans, Joe retired on June 1, 2009. These days, he has an office at the First Baptist Church of Kenner where he's working on three books, and he's trying to accept every speaking/preaching invitation that comes his way. He loves to do revivals, prayer conferences, deacon training, leadership banquets, and such. Usually, he's working on some cartooning project for the denomination or some agency.

More from Joe McKeever or visit Joe at http://www.joemckeever.com/mt/

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  • First Lady

    What an AWESOME Message to ALL PASTORS males and females. I Thank God for YOU addressing the TRUTH. The Bible says there is nothing NEW under the sun. God does not want us to be ignorant /or ignore how the devil tries to set us up, distort, destroy, and plant seeds of discard through manipulation. I have been waiting for someone to write an article on this. You don’t know most of the things you have said is what I have been saying to my Pastor/Husband and he has appreciated God using me to confirm some of the same things YOU ARE SAYING. What A Blessing ! Continue Writing and let God use YOU Man of God and being Fully Armed with the Word of God as A Bold Soldier.

  • David Chapman

    I think this is good advice. But the warning against hugging is unmerited and I completely disagree. There is a way to give a holy hug. Our church is a loving church that hugs and will remain that way, including me.

    • Missionary in Latin America

      I agree with McKeever. Too many times I am “forced” to hug when I don’t want to. I am not married to these men. Why should I have to embrace them? A warm handshake and a genuine smile will show me just as well that I am appreciated.

      Besides, why take any chances?

      Give me a blessing in your greeting, fellows; not a hug.

      • Pastor Conan

        Good for you sister. I think we should greet others in the way we prefer and in a “safe” way, not in some way that we are not comfortable with.

        • Will

          I was part of a church that encouraged hugging for over 14 years and I agree that it can make a person feel loved and welcomed; however, it can send mixed signals to others. I have chosen to keep the hugs and kisses for my wife as I can show concern and affection to others without physical connections. Make sense?

    • John S

      Here in the deep part of Georgia everyone is a hugger too. I never initiate it though and keep it to a “one armed” hug only, never ever a two arm hug.

      • Pastor Michelle

        Some of that is cultural. Hugging is a warm greeting as is an holy kiss.

        Some people have given ungodly “hugs” and that tainted the warmness of the greeting.

        I’m a hugger and one pastor friend of mine hugged me and I felt a little uncomfortable.

        Then he hugged my husband on another occasion, he hugged him the exact same way.

        This is why the Bible encourages us to “know them that labor among you”.

        He means nothing but love when hugs you. Man, woman, or child. If you are personally uncomfortable it will be “felt” by the “hugger” and they normally will adjust to the handshake.

        If you are not a hugger, speak up and a respectful person will not cross your boundaries.

    • http://AgapeAmbassador.com Caleb Suresh

      Bear hugs for men; touch-not (1Cor7:1NASB) for women has become my policy. You see, it is a slippery slope. But i don’t know how well this will go with creepy Americans who freak out on any hug as a sexual innuendo, even a gay one.

  • Pastor No More

    Very good advice. I wish I had someone share this with me years ago. It would have save me and my family much sorrow and shame.

    • christian adeleke

      When you fall off the bandwagon you should climb back up. The most important thing is learning the lesson behind your fall. You cant call yourself a pastor no more. For me once a pastor always a Pastor.

  • oluseyi

    Thank you preacher. Very candid advice. It is my prayer that minister will learn to discern.

  • Rev. S. Robinson

    Very wise words, remember this goes both ways, with many women as pastors or church leaders.

    • Apostle Fannie Craft

      Thank you. Now that’s truth.

      • Tom Thompson

        The stiffening move of feminism in the church today is dangerous. You address an article to male ministers on how to correct errors that are going on in the church this very minute and they all come out of the woodworks. Rev Robinson is right and the article is right and is the truth. Let anyone that might need this article take heed without the message being dilutes with feminism; lest they think that the problem that is seductively staring them in the face is not really there. Apostles of this age should wake up to this teaching without neglecting the other.

  • Pastor Conan

    I think that most of the counseling issues (Being accused of sexual advances after counseling sessions with someone) would be solved if we (Male Pastors) simply offered counseling only in the presence of our wife. I am amazed to read and hear of Pastors conducting counseling with a member of the opposite sex alone. This is a recipe for potential disaster.

    • Twinsfan1

      I agree. Unfortunately, many small churches have absolutely no staff other than the pastor. I ran into this problem a number of times. I tried having quick counseling sessions right after church in my office (window facing lobby open so all could see who was with me), sessions at my house so my wife could be present (or kids in the house who could interrupt at any moment – which made things awkward for the person trying to share confidential stuff…), coffee in public places, etc. The only alternative for some pastors is to simply NOT offer counseling, and I’m fine with that if there are others around. Counseling was never my strong suit, so I was not afraid to say, “You might want to talk to Pastor Fred at Blank Church – he’s got a ton of experience helping people with this kind of difficulty. I’d gladly call him and tell him to expect a call from you…”

  • Alan Hutchens

    Sir, this article is worth much more than its weight in gold. Such obvious advice, yet so easily ignored! Thank you, my brother, for these words of wisdom in such a direct manner. May the Lord use this to help all of us preachers to avoid the pitfalls!

  • Apostle Fannie Craft

    Whosoever found that poll, wrong!!!!!!! that’s not a woman at all, we are not like that, and frankly we are not needed. Men are so lost when it really come to the mind of a woman. We believe the Word: in particular Provs. 18:22, that poll must be for unlearned women that don’t know GOD, are have a relationship to know His voice. Stop judging and stay focus.

    • razorjim@ptd.net

      The article is a WARNING, not “judging” as you write.

  • Pjk

    This article is very helpful. Thank u!

  • Erw Purposeinmypain

    Amen we’ve experienced this!

  • Michael Flannagan

    I read the article and one thought popped into my mind, “It takes two to tango.” I personally think when such an article is written, it should present both sides of a story. Men are equally as guilty in such cases a a women. In my opinion, this article promotes an old myth, that the woman is responsible for the actions of a man. I simply do not agree with that kind of thinking. Yes, there are women who will use their sexuality for personal gain, but there are men who do the same thing. I think a more modern and equal approach would be more appropriate, when adressing such issues.

    • Tom Thompson

      Michael!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you are a minister, don’t go PC on this !! The fact of life is that the only job on earth with the easiest opportunity to take advantage of others is being a pastor. That is a fact. Now coupled with the fact that you are listening to vulnerabilities of others in a largely unregulated setting, the opportunity for abuse is ripe. It is not about tango, it is about practical reality. Given the setup of a pastor’s operations, the temptation to think that you might get away with it is great; hence the point of this article. I thought it is balanced. In short, it is saying ” YOU ARE IN AN UNREGULATED POSITION OF TREMEDOUS AUTHORITY; NO MATTER THE TEMPTATION, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO ABUSE THAT POSITION”.

      • Joe McKeever

        Thank you, Tom. Well said.

    • Twinsfan1

      Actually Mike, Joe says just that toward the end of the article. It’s not the focus, but it’s in your face nonetheless.

    • Iris Priest

      Thank you very much for writing this. It is very easy to blame the woman. I am not saying that women don’t instigate such behaviour but too many women get blamed also because of insecure pastors’ wives. Not to mention, when it comes to the verdict, the pastor can get away very easily as most people aren’t willing to believe that he’d do “something like that”. It is way easier to blame the woman who has no support, is probably hurting, and (hope this doesn’t offend anyone) quite attractive. It is not easy to be a beautiful and attractive woman in church. Most women will never say this and that’s the truth.

  • Blessed

    A good friend, male or female to you as a Minister is the one that looks at you eyeball to eyeball and tells you, hey, you are setting yourself up. When your mind starts straying, a good friend from the opposite sex will warn you to be careful and calls you back to order. The best recipe in helping yourself is bringing your spouse into discussion with whosoever that woman or man is. Never tell another woman you fancy at all, the problems you are having with your wife. It is a recipe for a scandal driven by adultery. I know women ministers should also avoid men represented in these 7 descriptions. But women are more dangerous. I am one and I always tell my husband, never underestimate a woman. No man is too strong for a woman that is intent on having him. Just avoid the situation. It is not being jellyfish, it is being wise!

  • Jerrica

    Praise The Lord, Thank You Dr., for Your Insight. It Is Also Essential To Place Emphasis On The Devils In The Pulpit Who Will Prey Upon Sisters Who They See ‘Carrying Something For God’, And Try To Dismantle Them In Such An Immoral Manner. Also The Pastors Who Purposely Try To Destroy The Sisters With Evil Intentions. The Bible Talks About The Woman Who Will ‘Bring A Man To A Piece Of Bread’. The Bible Also Talks About ‘The Foolish Shepherds’ Who Destroy The Flock…… Believe Me Here In The UK There Are Many Of Them. Thank You Once Again… Heaven Bless You And Stand Up for You.

  • African Pastor

    God bless the writer of this article. Very useful. Ignore to your peril! Once again, God bless you..

  • AroundtheBlock

    Brother, you’ve described just about every woman in church….I get the message and it is well taken, but there is a sense in which, following the “types” on this list, we’d have to avoid all woman all the time in church!

  • Ify

    A timely message not only for Pastors but for all Christians.

  • Pastor Charles A. Floyd, II

    Excellent article! This is timely, authoritative, convicting and humbling. Thank you

  • Ronnie

    Because of my proclivity I’ve been there! I wish that I’d been more vigilant but I wasn’t! This is a very important article for all male “Believers”! Thank you Sir

  • Dr. Joe

    Very sound advice.

  • Laurence Wall

    Thank you.

  • Kandace

    As a woman who committed adultery with a pastor on staff at our church, I appreciate many of the truths you share. I shall refrain from a lengthy response and a desire to question a few of your points but just say thank you for your courage to write about this topic so boldly. I am deeply regretful that I did not protect a brother in Christ who was drawn to me. And I am deeply regretful that I did not flee. The Lord was faithful to provide a way of escape but I lingered. Thankfully after confession, exposure and repentance both of our families have been restored but with many painful losses. It’s never worth it nor can you fully understand at the moment of temptation the devastation that lies ahead should you not flee.

    With that said, God’s redemptive plan is also something we cannot fully understand when we repent and walk in humility through the consequences. His ability to make all things new and beautiful go beyond our understanding. Was there a better way? Yes, definitely so. Keep your eyes fixed on the Lover of your soul, never think you are beyond a fall and be intentional about fostering intimacy with your spouse.

    • amos8

      Thank you for your words and openness.

      Sin is obviously powerfully destructive, but how we handle our sin often has greater power, for life or death (e.g. 2 Cor 7:10-11). It sounds like you chose the right way! Blessings.

  • Twinsfan1

    One other thing to mention. It doesn’t matter if you, pastor, are physically attractive or not. You might be ugly as sin, but you may still find yourself in a bad situation. One time my wife counseled me about a woman she thought was becoming attracted to me. Looking at myself in a mirror, I would never have guessed it possible (of course, my wife knew me before I started going to seed…), but it was true. I immediately began to distance myself from the person, although I stayed friendly, and made sure I initiated contact only when her husband was right there with us, and only after I started the conversation with HIM first. My wife tells me that looks aren’t all that important if the guy has all the other “good stuff” mentioned by Joe in the article – caring, loving, spiritual, etc.

    • Hope

      You are a wise man to listen to your wife! A position of power is a lure for some women. Two or three times over the years, I have told my husband the same thing yours told you. My husband was oblivious in a very endearing way. I trust him completely and know he only has eyes for me. But that trust did not extend to those women for a few reasons. I saw the way they looked at him. Very much the way I look at him. One woman was a little more forward. Pats on the arm, standing a little too close, smiles and adoration…especially when she thought I wasn’t looking. Though he didn’t see it himself, he trusted that I did. He did his best to keep his distance, and when she was around, I made sure I was right by his side. After a few failed attempts of her trying to wait me out or cut me out of the conversation, she finally started to go away. She appeared to notice that my husband’s attention was on me and not her. Anyway, my husband’s former boss said more than a few times that the Holy Spirit sounded a lot like his wife. He said to many male pastors over the years that God will speak to you many times through your wife, and you are wise to listen to her. So good for you. And good for your wife.

      • Twinsfan1

        “…the Holy Spirit sounded a lot like his wife.”
        Love that! Yup, God speaks through our wives – probably more often than we’re willing to admit.

  • imagodei

    Good article. I realize, from a woman who has been in the church for 30 years of my life, that there is a lot of truth to this. However, I wish that more was written about men taking responsibility for their actions instead of painting themselves as victims to the adulterous women out there. It takes two to tango baby. I have met very few Christian men in my life who are willing to remain celibate outside of marriage and far too many who allow themselves to stray from their wives. A pastor is the spiritual head of the congregation and has a responsibility to protect himself, his family and the women in his congregation from his own sinful desires. He is not responsible for the sinful desires of others. The pressure that women feel from men to sleep with them is just as strong and, unfortunately, that is just as true for people in the church as outside of the church. I wish more was spoken about from the pulpit addressing the men and controlling their own lustfulness instead of putting all of the blame on a woman’s seductive ways. I do value the opinions in the article though and I know that the very situations that he described are commonplace among the church. Wisdom is necessary and any meeting between the opposite sex should be transparent (i.e. room with windows and people around), scheduled and concluded on time). Unfortunately though, in today’s world, the uses of wisdom in these types of meetings probably should also be true even for people of the same sex meeting . . . but alas that is off topic here and should be saved for another day.

  • GEORGE BLACK

    Excellent article. There is one temptation that was missed, although it probably could be included in #6 – the woman who needs rescuing. Ministers are rescuers by personality and training. Initially the concern is mercy driven, to help this person. Ministers are also self sacrificing. But if lines are crossed it can become confused. I would appreciate this being expanded upon in a reprint of this article. Thx

  • New pastor

    awesome awesome awesome. I am single and I have had women and men come on to me and try to tempt me. After reading this article, I think that sometimes it was I that was the predatory inappropriate one. This is great where both genders are concerned. And I especially appreciate the “NO HUGGING PART…” Thank You Man of God. I will put this into immediate practice.

  • cathcartboy

    Fisrt class. Pastor or not, there are many descriptions here which fit circumstances of temptation and assist in resistance to weakness, momentary or serial.

  • cathcartboy

    One further point: let men so appreciate and love their wives that their wife does not become one of the vulnerable souls to fall prey to unscrupulous or over-romantic pastors, or have the type of issue that leads to the circumstances described in the article. Thanks, Joe

  • Lincy

    The role of Counseling Pastor is nearly similar to a Psychiatrist
    Doctor. No matter you make a room of glass, so all can see both of you talking, no one can stop the room in the heart from pumping more blood at the sight of someone you have more ………… 3 factors to consider:
    1. Women choose to talk to men, if it makes the man feel like a hero.
    2. The inner need to feel more sympathy than required towards the women.
    3. The natural chemical attraction that cannot be ignored.

    If any one of the above is felt on the smallest basis, it is time to hand over your
    patient(church member) to another senior pastor, with a possible excuse that
    solving her problem is more than you can handle ( don’t have to express that,
    you yourself was the problem). At least you are clear of the path to further
    temptation.

    The first point – Never run counseling session as one pastor, always be two Pastor’s. Never make any comforting physical contact when alone. It’s acceptable in public, more so, NOT REQUIRED if you really are, a good Counselor.

    This lure of the devil is too wile that you can, at least for some moments forget the wife you really so passionately love. It always starts with a sparkle, then to
    twinkling, then to glow continuously, even before you realize that you are
    actually burning.

    A women never shares her problem with another women, because trust is less, due to the gossip factor being high among women, which usually cause more damage than cure. If not reveled in 10 years, it would come out as example in some Bible study discussion as matters to avoid in the 15th year, making the person very vulnerable.

    Thus making the men who think, they are really strong but vulnerable too. So both parties, be wiser, sharper and keep communication up to point and take the other matters for next session. If a counseling does not finish within 2 weeks involve more pastors into the discussion for faster results.

    Never ever under-estimate the luring power of the devil. It is neither the women or man
    who is the real problem, it is the devil roaring around taking full advantage of
    every human weakness.

    Even if your heart is really pure in the presence of God, external gossip can ruin your personal family life. Know your priorities and maintain them. STOP at the first sign of hindrance, even if it does not involve you.

    Remember we are still living in Flesh.

    Be a professional – even as a Pastor. Learn to be a soul doctor. People need us.

  • Pastor Tom

    I appreciate the reminder to be cautious and wise. I am reluctant about the “stop hugging” directive. We live in a hurting world and I don’t refrain from offering a hug to whomever, regardless of age or sex, that may be going through a down time, or just need the reassurance that their pastor is there for them. I’ll visit with my Elders about it.

  • Lincy

    Hugging is not sin, it is a true comforter, but we need to understand that this is a trigger
    factor to negative feelings, especially when someone is lonely and troubled. To
    some extent, they will want more of this hugging, just for comfort. They could
    be very sensitive at this stage.

    1. How far would you want to take this kind gesture?
    2. How the other person feels about this?

    is what we have to ponder a little more – because people are very different at different
    circumstance. A strong lady could be very weak at certain state of mind.

    Most important of all, if , we are keeping this person under the prayerful hands of
    God, we can, to some extent diagnose the response in her life, if it is developing towards her family or your family. Being a God centered Pastor.

    Just have to be very cautious in this fragile world we live in. Its our life in stake – Yes?

    • Twinsfan1

      Thanks for this. Hugging is not a sin. However, it can (and has done so) lead to “bigger” things. For some people, receiving a hug is perceived as an invitation to pursue further, whether or not it was intended that way.
      For those who aren’t willing to quit hugging – let me as you this: Would you quit if your wife asked you to? Would you be willing to set aside your perceived “right” to hug a woman if it made your wife uncomfortable?
      If you are so worried that NOT hugging will send the wrong message, then let your wife do the hugging.
      I would rather be perceived as “not caring” for not hugging than perceived as “predatory” for hugging, even if my heart was pure when doing it. Call me paranoid, but I’ll never have to worry about anyone accusing me of coming on to them. And I can live with that.

      • Lincy

        Thanks for highlighting the fact that the role of a Pastor’s wife is also very high and delicate. May God help the wife’s to be compassionate and understanding to troubled men or women and the strength not to discuss these matters with external members.

        Wife’s should be encouraged to hug the women members, this will surely help the troubled person to develop a positive strength for her future problems too. I totally agree with you.

        A hug from opposite member never brings out the inner strength in the women, but rather a feeling of submission to a higher gender. It would be fine, if it was given by a close family member – any gender. A need for family love is also important here which also lacks in many families.

  • Kathryn Leonard

    And this is why a Women’s Pastor should be at every church! The lack of women’s ministries that go beyond having teas and retreats is leaving an open door for hurting women to find counsel, accountability, healing from men rather than a godly woman trained for Pastoral care.
    The world is producing broken women at an earlier age each year and the numbers are staggering, yet it is a demographic that men still think they can handle…sorry guys, but what have you done in your church to make sure your large percentage of your congregation is receiving what they truly need.?

    • http://www.ehendrick.org/pastoralcare/index.htm Kevin W. Bridges

      Each gender has gifts to share, don’t bash men just because “some men” have lorded over women for too long. Many Godly men have done plenty to meet the needs of their congregations.

  • noah

    thank you very much for that insightful teaching. I have a question . if a minister is not married and an unmarried young lady is mounting pressure on him to marry her, do you think that it will be appropriate to accept her proposal? in another way if a woman loves a man more than the man loves her, will it make a good marriage?

  • Lincy

    As for unmarried pastors, same applies. A Godly women will know how to wait or move away, as long as the unmarried pastor can assure he did not show any positive signs, directly or indirectly, that made her feel, that his communication with her was not professional but personal. It goes both ways, be careful that you do not do, more hurt than why she came to you in the first place. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit. Ask for intervention from Senior Church members if you feel uncomfortable.

    It is time, we all fall at the mercy of God. WATCH and PRAY.

  • Grady Walton

    This important topic deserves more detailed research. Perhaps Pew, Barna, or LifeWay could undertake a study of pastors (and their mistresses) who committed adultery. Specifically, it would be helpful to know the percentage of cases where the male pastor initiated the affair(s) and the percentage of women inside and outside the congregation who initiated the affair(s). It would also be helpful to know the percentage of pastors who displayed predatory behavior in their sexual moral failure. Such information would help church leaders and denominations focus their policies and preventions in the most effective ways. Otherwise, we tend to play to our bias or rely on anecdotal evidence that leads us to assume troubled and seductive women are the primary danger or we assume predatory male pastors are the primary source of the problem. I tend to think it is the latter, but the facts could prove me wrong. Nevertheless, there is some wise counsel in this article.

    • Kandace

      Awesome idea, Grady. I think it could be done in a healthy, redemptive way.

  • Yvon Prehn

    All the same advice goes for women in leadership or Christian ministry–men, married or not are also subtle and not so subtle predators.

    I had a traveling ministry for many years and always found ways to bring up my big, wonderful husband within 5 minutes of any conversation and to constantly talk about him. Verbally having your partner front and center and with you in your heart is important.

    One other thing–sex drives, good looks, and all the things you mentioned do not die off after age 66. I know you didn’t mean it as offensive–but as I have often said, in all of life in our heart of hearts, we never get out of junior high school. We must always be careful through all of life.

  • http://napadofoundation.com/ Donald G.

    I must admit, the title of the article had me a little prepared to challenge it, but the article was relatively balanced. I have known more “pastors” who have been unable to control their zippers and who always wanted to blame it on the woman involved. Pastors who are unfaithful in this area are alone responsible for their sin and they alone will answer to God for their lack of self-control and sin. On the other hand the Bible does indicate that we can cause others to stumble and we are held accountable for that also. So from a Biblical standpoint each is accountable for their own sin and participation, BUT the pastor as a pastor is held accountable both as a man and as a pastor in leadership. Also it occurs to me that Eve was deceived and sinned but Adam was held accountable as the man and head of his home. That is another aspect of this kind of situation. I know this will not be PC with the feminist but I believe it to be Biblical.

  • Erroll Glee

    Awesome!!!!!

  • Kandace

    My husband has proposed I should write an article entitled Women: 7 Pastors You Should Watch Out For.

    • Joe McKeever

      Kandace, write it! The rest of us want to read it.

      • Kandace

        I would consider it but I struggle through some of the questions I had as I read your article. I am not sure what the purpose would be in making these identifications. I happen to believe most women in the church who are weak in these areas are not evil. Yes, some women are aggressive and have a chip on their shoulder but seeing past the exterior you usually find a very wounded and broken soul. They are typically broken and battered from childhood trauma and the real fight to be seen as honorable and valuable in a culture (world) that seeks to objectify them. By no means am I making excuses for sinful behavior but merely bringing understanding for how women end up looking to men for what only Jesus can give them. I also have walked through the fires of being demonized for my sin of adutlery with a pastor. I understand being labeled and identified by my sin. So, the real idea of writing such an article would probably send me on an extended fast and with much fear and trembling.
        And IF the Lord would lead me in it, I know it would have redemptive purposes. Though deeply wounded by the church and a pastor, I love the church and honor those who are pastors.

        • Kandace

          Maybe more appropriate for me would be to write about 7 warnings to be aware of about your own heart!

          • imagodei

            Kandace, I feel your pain and I admire your ability to discuss it openly on a forum like this. God has brought you a long way and obviously has used this part of your life to help bring healing to others. You are a very wise woman. I would encourage you to pray about writing an article from the other perspective. We are all broken vessels and every single human being sitting in the pews and preaching from the pulpit is a fallen sinner in need of redemption and healing. No matter how religious we appear to others or ourselves, we are all vulnerable and can easily make mistakes. It hurt me to read this article because it put most of the blame on women and I know that that is not the whole truth. There is so much that can be said about the other side to this part of human nature and relationships between men and women.

          • Kandace

            praying about it and talking with my husband about it. Thank you for your kind words. God’s mercy triumphs over judgment and when we receive it, it transforms our lives.

    • Anne

      Kandace, as a female pastor, I’d really like to read that. I also am interested in how to get governing boards to see that this really is inappropriate. I think churches are uncomfortable with the idea that any of “their men” could ever make sexual advances toward their pastor, or make inappropriate comments.

      • Kandace

        Anne, I am hoping for more talks with leaders in the Body of Christ concerning these issues. Until we listen with the intent to understand and lay aside judgments and accusations, we will only hurt one another more. I am hopeful that God is stirring up those who seek to be healers, not accusers. Those who will love truth more than comfort.

    • imagodei

      Preach it sista!

    • kefas yusiya

      expecting it very soon please

  • nanamaxy

    Thank you soo much.God bless you!

  • Rita

    As women are now in ministry it might be helpful to also have it under the title,
    Pastors: 7 Men you should watch out for.

    • Dude

      Thank you for mentioning that women are usually not the aggressors in most relationships. The story of David and Bathsheba always comes up and I guess Bathsheba could have ignored the summons from the king and risked jail or death I don’t know but there is a lesson to be learned there to. However, it comes down to a persons own morals and ethics. And for each one being personally responsible for his/her own moral conduct. Now on that note I am hoping someone will write to tell women about the men in the pulpit who are there only for his own vain glory and to have as many of women he can. Along with the best seat in the house, nice suits, watches, cars, a steady income, to know others business and whatever perks he can get for nothing. I know what I am talking about I am married to an associate pastor and he is as vain as they come and he likens himself a godly man and there is nothing godly about him. He is narcissistic and a liar of the worst kind. But God will deal with him.

    • Joe McKeever

      Rita, write that book. Being a man, I’m not smart enough to write it.

  • JasonM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It is a truth that this area is killing ministries all over America today. Pastors have bought into the idea that they must become counselors or even professional counselors. It’s not a bad idea that they get training in this area but is that the calling they should be operating in? I have struggled with this idea for a few years now as I trained and went to school for Christian counseling. It did help me however, I found myself counseling 100’s of hours and not able to do what I was called to do. I started a church with the benefit of a team and thought that my calling was to counsel people and that would build the church. But here lies the problem when you counsel people in your church. They tell you the most personal details of marriage problems, addictions, etc. Then they have to come to church the following Sunday and look at you; the person that knows all the dirty details of their life. Plus no matter what you preach at that point they will feel you are using them for sermon material.

    Recently, I was in deep counsel with a couple who was having major marriage problems. The wife had 2-3 affairs in about 90 days. Clearly she had a problem. After many hours and phones it became very evident that she was more of the problem than her husband. Although I leaned pretty hard on him to make changes to assist in correcting the marriage, I had to lean even harder on her to make serious changes or lose her marriage. Because of this, I lost both of them as members of our church. She eventually left him and because of her offense with me she damaged her family to thinking that I was unfair to her.

    The point being is that if I was not involved in the details of such a nasty marriage problem, I may still have opportunity to minister to their souls.

    In response to the comment about Billy Graham. As a rule of thumb, I never counsel females without my wife there. Period! I cannot risk my ministry or the reputation of our church. In this day and age all it takes is one accusation, just one.

    • Kandace

      Jason,
      Thank you for sharing this story. It brings further light and confirmation for where the Lord is leading my husband and I. This lady, if willing, needed to meet with someone who has been in her sinful shoes. Someone who could see through her words and get to the root of her deepest wounding and sin. Someone who would rely on the Holy Spirit to bring those things to light and confront her in love and truth.
      My husband and I will be soon be making ourselves available to meet with couples who are in adultery situations. Our desire is to do that with support from their pastors and churches. We see the need and though we are not proud to understand what we know, we are grateful the Lord is redeeming our pain by comforting others in theirs. And you still have the opportunity to minister to their souls through prayer. It’s our greatest ministry tool.

      • JasonM

        Thank you Kandace,

        I and my wife too went thru a failure back in the early years of our ministry. We have since been restored and did what we could to help her. She just didn’t really want help. She liked the party life and wanted any excuse she could to get to that life. I am so thankful that people like you and your husband are pioneering this line of ministry. It is so needed and I thank God for people like yourselves that are willing to put it all on the line to help see others restored. Check out my book “Revivify” -restoring failed leaders, on Amazon. It is our story of failure and restoration.

        • Kandace

          We will get it and read it!! Though I was not on staff, I had just launched a non-profit, was teaching a class at our church on adoption and helping launch an orpan care ministry in our church. The shame and pain from hurting those who had placed their trust in me about took me out. We have stayed in our church though I wanted to run and never come back. In the Lord’s mercy, he and my husband took me to church every Sunday to be healed and restored. Though at times, I begged God to let me leave and find another church home, He spoke to me about the blessing of staying. At the moment of my worst failure and being exposed in the most painful way, I came out of it knowing who I am in Christ in a way I would have told you I knew before I took this fall.
          We are passionate to help point others to a God who wipes away our sin and gives us new beginnings. And when we truly repent, the consequnces become confirmation and sweetness to our soul that our Father loves us and disciplines us to once again bear the fruit of righteousness. Glory to God!

          • JasonM

            What a story! People need to hear it. It is amazing how some of the things you just said are in my book. God is so good.

  • pastor Alex Favour

    PASTOR LIKE OTHERS LUST.

    When a man is tempted let him not say he is tempted of God for God can not be tempted neighter tempt He any man. If a man is tempted he is drawn away by his own lust and is enticed and it thus leads to sin and from sin death.

    Lust can be over different wordly things.. love for wealth, money, pastors collect tithes and offering and deck themselves with goodly dresses , eat the best meals fly home and abroad, acquire property, cars, clothes, shoes, wristwatches , women or men, travels or tour shopping overseas, clubbing, drinking , picknicking , telphone or adicted to internet and varios social networks from where people learn and do or apply all kinds of antic they exhibit privately or secretly name them they forget THE FLOCK GOD COMMANDED TO FEED . Only a few church leader can escape this judgement. SIN IS SIN.
    The truth is l have seen pastors and christians stand, and persevere, and pray and fast on these things, the trait, the habit, the lust ,the challenges the emotional the physical and even spiritaul realities overwhelmed them. we all need the intervention of God … the piwer of the Holy Spirit because if you are free in some you are guilty in many others. l am not a saint l know that there sre areas l need to amend lam praying and believing God to change and begin to consistently live READY BEFORE THE LORD’S APPEARING. GOD bless you all.

  • pastor Alex Favour

    Pastor Alex Favour lsBased in Lagos Nigeria…email revalex55@yahoo.com
    +234 08023033404
    +234 08033733237

  • Pastor Young

    Sometimes, one woman can be an amalgum of different of the same categories. She wants to be your mother, your friend and at times she doesn’t know what she wants.

  • Joe Bloggs

    Hate to say it, but with the exception of the astute observation in item SIX, the whole article looks like a waste of time. Why are you focusing on what “Billy Graham decided to do” – isn’t are example to be Christ – the Lord who spoke alone with the Samarian woman at the well, and who accepted the anointing with oil by a woman, etc? Too much political correctness in these articles these days.

    • Tim S

      I believe with what you’re saying it should be noted that Jesus never met with a woman ALONE unless it was his mother or He was with multiple women(which is the big issues or principle of this article). When you really think about it, there’s never a valid reason to be completely alone with the opposite sex. And also for pastors, if there’s things that you can handle better with a woman than your wife. That pastor should eally conside the spiritual imbalance within his marriage

  • Pastor balance

    Thank you or taking the time to write such an article. What you could have said is avoid sexual sin and people who you minister that have desires that Are not pure. This is the thing sexual failure in ministry has been a problem for the last thirty years + that’s why I struggle with these type of articles. I have been in ministry all my adult life. As I sat in my pastoral ministries classes every semester we got the beware of women speech .Then the pointing to us one or two women in my classes, singled us out and said of-course this dose not apply to you. It made us feel an inch tall. Now is all my years as a pastor I have never heard a warning to us women who serve to be aware of men in your church. I do not know if that means we women have a lot stronger abilities to resist sexual temptation than men , but I seriously doubt this is true. I have noticed after these types of teaching how awkward my coworkers and I feel working with each other. As a pastor I don’t want my coworkers on staff afraid of me or allow satan to have a foothold destroy staff unity or church unity based on discrimination or fear which is not the heart of God. Simple boundaries are needed as a staff member when working with the opposite sex ministering with and to. However my staff members must have a friendship with me to understand who I am and my gifting . I need to know the same to serve and work with them. This type of articles does nothing but create disunity and a foothold for Satan. Good waning , needed warning but stop view uncontrolled women as the source of male pastors yielding.

    • Joe McKeever

      I hope I didn’t say anything here that even sounded like “beware of women.” But surely you will agree that every church of any size will have people who are lying in wait for a minister, even though they may never realize that what they are setting for him is a trap which can do only harm to him, to his ministry, the church, and ultimately to themselves. Nothing here is meant to blame the women if the pastor gets snared in the trap. I’m confident you agree that all God’s children should be on the alert lest they fall into sin.

  • Faith A. Coleman MD

    It is NEVER the woman’s fault if a pastor strays. NEVER. Never be alone with a woman, if you’re a male pastor. That’s one of the things you teach your congregation, and it makes it easy to tell a woman, especially if she tries to be alone with you, that you are following God’s word, avoiding even the appearance of impropriety. If she doesn’t leave – you leave. Our pastor’s office has a giant window through which he and a woman receiving counseling can easily be seen but not heard, by the secretary.
    If you sense her intention, say so to her. “I’m feeling uncomfortable and sense you may feel hurt or neglected. If I may, I’m going to have the leader of our women’s ministry (or my wife) call you. I wouldn’t be doing right by you to let our interactions continue.
    If you just “watch out” (you’re missing a very, very, good opportunity to further her walk with God and maybe even save a marriage or other relationships in which her needs aren’t met. That’s your job – spiritual leadership.
    It Jesus run from the Samaritan woman at the well? No, he ministered. Did Jesus from the woman caught in adultery. No. He ministered to her and got to minister to even more people wanting to watch and participate in an agonizing woman.
    Do a sermon on this topic, Show them scripture and its teachings are as relevant today as they were 2000. Men in your congregation need to hear it as much as the women.
    Some women trigger lust in a pastor, It can be extraordinarily uncomfortable for a pastor to see themselves as sexual beings and panic when their lust is provoked. These kinds of encounters give a pastor an opportunity to grow spiritually, too.
    Don’t miss a chance to do great ministry.

    • Joe McKeever

      Completely agree. But let’s remember that in ministering to the Samaritan woman or the one in John 8, the Lord was completely in public, not enclosed in a tiny room somewhere. Thanks for your input.

  • Maya

    This article was so on point, from number one to number six. I have seen, heard and know about each point listed and then some. All Pastors, by all means praise and love your wife openly, that in itself will shame the devil and defeat the enemy!

  • Clint Tito Jackson

    What I’m inquisitive about is this: Why are there no tips to pastors who are not married?

    • Joe McKeever

      Because I don’t know any.

      • Clint Tito Jackson

        speculate and attempt to find some advice you might give someone who is a pastor but is not married.

        • Joe McKeever

          We each write about what we know. Perhaps you could write that article if God has given you such a burden.

  • Megan

    Approximately 22-25% of women experienced child sexual abuse. Often it is these women that begin seeking counsel to deal with the issues
    that this childhood abuse is causing in their adult life and that’s when a male pastor can be lead down a path that can end his career and family life.
    Women dealing with this issue need expert professional counsel which very few pastors are trained to deal with.

  • just so ya know

    You forgot an obvious one. Dr. Rebecca brown has a book called he came to set the captives free. The theology may be a bit light as I do not know how long she has been saved. What makes the book valuable is this. It is a common practice now among occultists in the U.S. to infiltrate churches church leadership and in the message prudence by art katz. He attended a bible school which witches where attending for a degree.Some start their own churches under the Christian label. Also in dr. browns book she lays out basic training in infiltration and plans of attacks taught to their members on attacking staff ,laymen and becoming them in hopes of wreaking havic and gaining authority in churches. an interesting book for reavealing how organized occultists in the U.S. as a former highpriestess in the occult first hand was taught and taught these techniques to all new memebers..

    • Joe McKeever

      Have you ever seen such a church? I’ve not. Would have a hard time believing that plan would work. What it does is scare some Christians. — I’m old enough to remember when similar things were being said of Communists, that they were infiltrating churches to corrupt doctrine and such. What those writers and the occultists fail to see is that Christians can corrupt their doctrine without any help from the dark side. We do it all the time, and how sad is that.

      • Franklin Benjamin

        I have seen such a church maybe here in America you have never seen the manifestation of demonic forces but in Africa where i come from, we see there work daily and we also see the power of God in manifestation destroying the works of evil

        • Marine Cwo

          Well said, Franklin. Indeed, there is much North American Christians rarely see that is quite common elsewhere. Our adversary, like any cunning warrior, adapts tactics to the vulnerabilities of their targets. Spiritual warfare is warfare nonetheless.

      • Lbunker

        With all due respect, that does not mean that it does not happen. Too many Christians are unaware of the spirit realm and are not able to protect their flocks from infiltration. We are not in fighting shape as we need to be. I would also caution women who lead as they are also in danger of sexual advancement by men. It has happened to me.

      • Titi

        No disrespect Sir but it happens on a daily basis, with or without the corporation of the children of God.

        There is witchcraft and it is very real. It is not necessary bloodsucking but subtle and goes undetected if not spiritually sound. Spiritual warfare is real and getting worse the closer we get to the coming of Jesus Christ.

  • http://facebook.com/ann.grapermanion Sodium7

    Thank you Pastor McKeever. In a strange way, this article was comforting to me. My newly ordained lay-minister hubby just fell for a woman that was at least 6 of the 7 of these! She was on the prowl for her next husband. It doesn’t give him any excuses, he chose to make himself vulnerable to temptation. To be honest, even if I’d seen this article 10 months ago I don’t think I could have stopped him. I tried to pull him back from what I saw happening… he just kept going.
    I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy… I wouldn’t wish it on HER. But I gotta tell ya, I’ve learned and experienced, intimately, more of God’s attributes through this than I would have otherwise. Can’t spit at that!!

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